The Puntastic Mews – Nakul Vac

“Kow dow r2 bull retoinis
wus de woids uf lil Oinis”

With Bells pounding, பாப்பா crooning, two ஈs coming, one எலி going & joys abounding….

From the stage Directions for அmuse, A Tanglish Mewmiambus.

In the beginning was the beginning?
Pounds of flesh tons of words make?
Yes, yes, yes and yes.
Did you unwittingly stumble on those sibilant
Ssss’s, you sneaky snake.

Had a man caned ably
(அடி உதவற மாதிரி) Would
அண்ணன் தம்பி have spilt the old bubbly?
Kinch the knife blade strook
blood and ouns?
That’s some hairy stuff in the Good Book.

Mulling an Irish stew
for a buck and twenty
For our jejune jesuit here?

Perhaps no fears of
us all dead here
if Adam and Eve
did daughters leave?

But crazy shrine maiden
Kannagi இடமுலை கையால் திருகி
burnt Mad annotations?
Titless Kannagi cooling off
lopping hot headed silver hair
with his Hayagami.

Lately and plump
Who’ll hump this frump?
Pater said to Mater.
They fuck you up
Your mum and dad.

So, Tommy you rhyming Kat
When you rubbed your muzzle on window panes
Did you dare to part your hair behind?
Or eat an effinineffable peach?

Catch Possum Rhymes last night?
That sad dark pussy was wider than the sea.
Cat show’s Murugan TAM scores are sick
தமிழ்?
Cunt!

Jesus! Don’t be so cross and
get off your high arse.

No exercise only sexercise!
said the Mallu to the newly wed Tamilian.

The moving hand writes vey unmoving lines.

If I need to ride to my rude red health
Must I keep the bottoms of my trousers rolled?
Just grow a pair Donald
Prude in a frock!

Breeder of brinners
Get thee to a punnery!

Every force evolves a form.
To cum by the sea only to get conquered
on a bicycle?

Relax or if you prefer ReJoyce!
Lounge tea in the Chamber and
Sound of Music!
Do! Re and…
Oh no! that was wild
Your picture went grey on you.

Heart twist eh?
Will Irich folk Dubbu
lining their pockets
admire your portrait
at your wake.

Did old Rum and Jam
rise in the sap of trees
weave of Weaver birds
in his hair?

Bracelet of bright hair about the bone
gave him orgasms of sensibility.
Hey Tom just leave the
old Don alone.

மைத்தகு மாமலர்க் குழலாய்
இருண்ட நீலச் சுருளோடும் வந்து
Shaking, air alight with the goddess
fanning their hair in the dark.

Hugh Selwyn Mauberly
For your image of accelerated grimace
Perhaps a soupçon of Indic spice
sprinkled on your attic grace?

Sita’s tresses enmeshed with Circe’s hair
Or is that hair-splitting too unfair?

What movie was that
You and Bob laughed about?
Something about Mary
got old Jo to marry.

Also (Cum) banns read by Pound?

Stately and plump
Did Bhima say that to Hidimbi
at that Bald pot’s birth?

Grow or shrink at will
No crummy exercise.
As you rise to the skies
still no hair I espy.

Bookish puns
don’t a poem make.

Will this be published by Slade(?)
Ayyo! These பண்s!
That hair-raising eh!
Do I at least get a mulligan?

போடா மயிரு!
And you Sir, can take a hike.

Ending with a male wimp’s hair?
Ah men!

  • Nakul Vāc, August 2018
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